jollymarionette:

people joking about things that you actually really hate about yourself

(Source: causticmarionette)

paradisaic:

paradisaic:

my mom wouldn’t let me get a ferret when i was younger because she thought it would turn me gay

well guess what mom it wasn’t the ferret that did it

jinn0uchi:

the-hatred-machine:

purgatorystuck:

Mi papá tiene 47 años= my dad is 47 years old

Mi papa tiene 47 anos= my potato has 47 assholes

I love spanish

A capital letter changes it even further:

Mi Papa tiene 47 anos = My pope has 47 anuses

literally the best post I have seen on this website

• Friend: Oh my god I read a book once that had a sex scene in it was so weird.
• Friend: Have you ever read anything like that?
• Me:
• Friend:
• Me:
• Friend:
• Me:
• Friend:
• Me: No ew that's gross what sort of disgusting human being do you think I am how dare you accuse me of such a thing.

apsilpastille:

blainedarling:

heysammy:

a-sorta-fairytale:

imagine being stuck in a room surrounded by everyone you’ve ever had sex with

 #empty chairs at empty tables

imagine being stuck in a room surrounded by everyone you’ve ever thought about having sex with

#it’s raining men

katie-kapulet:

whatthefinnick:

My pre-calc teacher got kicked out of the movies once for yelling out diving scores during Titanic as people jumped off the boat.

(Source: )

bachmaninovsky:

what if pop artists started naming their works like classical music omg

“Minaj: Symphonic Poem in D-flat Major, Op. 32 - I. Allegro: “Stupid Hoe”“